Subject: Airplane/Military Dark Humor ...
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> > Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall
> > Fear No Evil. For I am
> > at 80,000 Feet and Climbing!
> >
> > (Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating
> > location Kadena, Japan.)
> >
> > You've never been lost until you've been lost at
> > Mach 3.
> >
> > (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)
> >
> > The only time you have too much fuel is when you're
> > on fire.
> >
> > From an old carrier sailor -
> >
> > Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the
> > ocean than submarines
> > in the sky.
> >
> > If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage,
> > it's probably a
> > helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.
> >
> > When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you
> > always have enough power
> > left to get you to the scene of the crash.
> >
> > Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another
> > expensive flying club.
> >
> > What is the similarity between air traffic
> > controllers and pilots?  If a
> > pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up,
> > the pilot dies.
> >
> > Never trade luck for skill.
> >
> > The three most common expressions (or famous last
> > words) in aviation are:
> >  "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh
> > Shit!"
> >
> > Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
> >
> > Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant
> > can get a pilot pregnant.
> >
> > Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed
> > to successfully
> > complete the flight.
> >
> > A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all
> > luck; three in a row is
> > prevarication.
> >
> > I remember when sex was safe and flying was
> > dangerous.
> >
> > Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never
> > left one up there!
> >
> > Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a
> > flight bag for the
> > purpose of storing dead batteries
> >
> > Flying the airplane is more important than radioing
> > your plight to a person
> > on the ground incapable of understanding or doing
> > anything about it.
> >
> > When a flight is proceeding incredibly well,
> > something was forgotten.
> >
> > Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your
> > funeral will be held on
> > a sunny day.
> >
> > Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang
> > (crash) seems
> > inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest
> > object in the vicinity
> > as slowly and gently as possible.
> >
> > The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
> > it can just barely kill
> > you.
> >
> > (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
> >
> > A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't
> > flying his plane to its
> > maximum.
> >
> > (Jon McBride, astronaut)
> >
> > If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing
> > as far into the crash
> > as possible.
> >
> > (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
> >
> > If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on
> > it; ride the bastard
> > down.
> >
> > (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)
> >
> > Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver
> > than you.
> >
> > There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
> >
> > (Sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan
> > AFB, AZ, 1970.)
> >
> > The three best things in life are a good landing, a
> > good orgasm, and, a good
> > bowel movement.  The night carrier landing is one of
> > the few opportunities
> > in life where you get to experience all three at the
> > same time.
> >
> > (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)
> >
> > If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's
> > about to.
> >
> > Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the
> > air. Do not go near the
> > edges of it.  The edges of the air can be recognized
> > by the appearance of
> > ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar
> > space.  It is much more
> > difficult to fly there.
> >
> > You know that your landing gear is up and locked
> > when it takes full power to
> > taxi to the terminal.
> >